back on!

well i think i am really terrible. i can tell you it is such an up and down with me. at first i was so sure about extending that i was ready and willing to even extend for 9 month. then i was struggling so bad and think about everything again and again that it just seemed to it makes no sence at all. so i decided just go back home in november have my travelmonth and be happy. but i think the fact that i still know that i am not done and that i am so sad to go home so soon makes me thinking abaout it again and again and again. and then i hear about the next canidates and feel even worst. i don´t wanna be replaced i wanna be the first girl who is extending with them i wanna be really special for them i wanna be the one. so and again i am thinking the hole freaking time about nothing else then extenting and how i possible could do it. so no i am back on i just talked with karen again after we had the last conversation with a lot of tears that i am leaving so soon and asked her for agreement having me leaving one month earlier. so that means that i would extend for 5 month. that means that i would finish my programm on the 12 of march. that means that i still could probably travel at least two weaks and could then start my studiing on the first of april in germany. so i am back on. i just need to figure out how to complete my education request. then i need to figure out how to applie for a job when i am not in germany but hey i am not the first girl who did this. so this i will figure out. then i need to figure out how i can applie for my first own flat without being in germany. so a lot of questionmarks in my mind but hopefully i will get an result pretty soon. i need to be sure about everthing by the 21st of july. great one and a half week left. so i at least i hope that everybody who is probably mad abaout me know will understand and will keep suporting me.

see you all in 24 days kisses